God Wants To Take Care Of You Too

It was a warm morning in Mozambique, the sea air brushed strands of hair across my face as I watched the African dirt move across the ground. I was again sitting on the African bed on the porch outside our simple [and overcrowded with people] house. Being in Pemba, Mozambique, I had heard the voice of God so clearly, He gave me visions of my future and spoke empowering words over me. I knew that the life I had been called to live was not easy, not for the faint of heart, and as much as I love it, certainly not comfortable! I sat there quietly taking in the atmosphere, I stared at my palm tree which stood strong across from me. It was affectionately known as 'my palm tree' because I had spent many mornings like this looking at it and processing my days in Pemba. It reminded me that when my roots are deeply planted in Gods Word, I can withstand any storm, rebuke any fear and silence any lie. That's when the fear dropped into my mind. It came with no warning, no invitation and no explained reason, because, the morning had so far felt pristine. The peace I was feeling didn't leave but it began to feel suffocated. I felt like I was being laughed at. The voices came, "this lifestyle will kill you", "you won't have enough money to survive", "people won't support you", "you think this is normal, but this is crazy", "no one will want to marry you if you're living in a mud hut". The noise in my thoughts became so strong that for a moment I was swept away into a place of turmoil and confusion. The peaceful African morning quickly slipping away as thoughts, fears and the voice of lies tried to overtake me. Then, the what ifs came! "What if you get sick?" "What if you can't afford a flight home?" "What if you never meet your husband?" "What if you die in a slum alone?" For a moment, my imagination ran riot with visions and fears of what could be. Then I blinked and was back in the stillness of that beautiful Mozambican morning, gazing again at my palm tree. I soon realised what was happening, the enemy was trying to bring fear into my life. I cleared my throat and with a loud whisper, not wanting to wake my housemates [because it was still only 5am], the words "devil, you are a liar" came out of my mouth. I grinned, imagining myself kicking the devil in the groin [something that I've learnt to do many times in my life]. Peace flooded my heart and I began to smile, and then giggle to myself. I felt a surge of joy run through my veins and I laughed out loud. You see, when you know who you are and Whose you are, you understand that no demon in hell and no person on earth can hold you back.

I began to talk with God, thanking Him for the plans He had for my life. I thanked Him for my journey thus far, the amazing seasons He has brought me through, the good, the bad, the ugly. The more I live my life, the more I see all the jigsaw pieces slotting together, things make sense when you stay the path and trust the One who knows the beginning from the end. I thanked God for calling me to the nations and I felt my spirit getting more and more excited as I remembered all the places He had already taken me, knowing there was even more adventures to come. Then our conversation turned a bit more serious, I began to share my fears with Him, mostly which revolved around finances and doing this journey alone. "Jesus, I know you've called me and I know you'll provide, I just can't see how." I said as I looked at the palm tree. "Just trust Me," was His reply. You see, I like to have answers, I like to be in control (sometimes), I like to be organised and have things in order. But living a life of adventure is risky business and taking a leap of faith is exactly that, a big leap off a cliff edge into the unknown! "Ok," I responded, knowing that that's exactly what I had to do, trust! "But if you could give me a sign to show me that you really are going to provide for my needs, that would be great". [Lol, as if I need a sign, seriously, God has never failed me yet.!] I got on with the rest of my day and was so caught up in the Mozambican experience that I almost forgot the conversation I'd had with God in the morning. That was until in the afternoon I had a message from a friend back home. A friend who had watched me grow from a shy teenager into a confident, and let's face it, often feisty and a bit crazy, adult! I hadn't seen or spoken to this friend for a while, but the Holy Spirit was speaking to him about me on the other side of the world! My friend began to tell me that God had spoken to him and told him to give me a financial gift every month of a particular amount. He said that this amount was to spend on myself and not for my missions or ministry. My friend knew that this would be hard for me and explained that this was what God had told him the gift was for. There was a time in my life that I would spend money on nice things for myself, but over the last few years, throughout my own personal journey and my missions journey, I now struggle to spend money on myself. Because there is always someone who needs it more than me. I've grown up with a good understanding of finances, I've never been in debt and a spirit of generosity has been passed down to me from generations in my amazing family. So giving, and giving more is just how we roll

So God, in all His power and goodness was looking down on me and showing me that He wasn't just going to provide so I could help others, but He wanted me to have rest and fun too. Over the last 7 months while loving and taking care of the needs of others, I've been challenged to look after myself too. There were times I would come back from overseas sick because I had poured myself out so much and not taken time to refresh and refuel. I love how God is just so good and kind to us and He was more than happy for me to buy a new pair of Havaianas this month! Because I literally spend my life wearing flip flops and those 90p a pair from Primark ones don't really cut it anymore haha. I love that Jesus smiles at me when I'm chilling with a new book I bought off Amazon as much as He does when I'm feeding hundreds of children in the slums. I love that He really does care about us, all of us. He wants us to give out, but He also wants us to receive. To receive from Him, and from those who love and believe in us. No one can run on empty. We all need to be poured into. We all need little treats and times of refreshing along the journey. So in all the giving out, I'm learning to receive too. He has never failed me yet. He won't fail you either. He is our faithful provider and He does not let the righteous slip and fall.