Love Always Wins

This morning I was counting out my Filipino pesos ready to put in my purse for the day. As I was counting each note and putting them in order [fun fact: I like to have them folded with the small notes on the outside and the big notes on the inside], a feeling of heaviness came upon me. I immediately started to feel sorry for myself, for us, and began recalling all the times recently where we have been taken advantage of because we are foreigners here. The lady in the market who puts her prices up by 10 when we say "how much?", I've lost count of the amount of taxis we have gotten out of because they refuse to put the meter on, the man from our previous accommodation who lied to us and the condominium management, resulting in us loosing a lot of money and having to get emergency temporary accommodation, just to name a few. My mind became a flurry of different things, and thoughts, feelings, faces and strong emotions filled it. The justice fighter in me wanted to scream, "it's not fair the way some people have treated us, we are here to help them, can't they see that?" I began to feel deflated, and then I recognised a strong feeling that kicked me into gear. I sensed that victim mentality surged through my thoughts, and I stuffed my Filipino pesos in my purse and said into the atmosphere, "I am not a victim and I will not bow to that, I am a victor and I walk in freedom and wholeness". You see, in my life, there have been many times when I've been a victim, there has been seasons of intense abuse and deep betrayal, seasons of bullying, seasons of being left out and forgotten, of being overlooked. I have had every opportunity to curl into a ball and let my past, and sometimes present [because there are even situations I am facing now that are causing me deep heartache and pain], dictate my future. But, because I know Jesus, because I know He nailed it all to the cross for me, because I know He is with me, for me and not against me. Because I know His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and He offers me a life of wholeness, victory and freedom, I don't have to live as a victim anymore. Phew, thank God for that! Anyway, that wasn't actually what I was originally getting at but y'all [yes I'm using y'all now 😂😍] know that I can get my preach on! So back to the people who have wronged us recently and feelings I was having about them. As I was trying to figure out all this and the bad things people do, I felt God say to me, "Leah, what about the times you've hurt Me? The times you've pushed Me aside and tried to do it your way? The times you refused to listen to My simple guidance? The times you were selfish and rude, and yes, sometimes obnoxious? Leah, sometimes you made Me weep, but I still loved you?" And there I was, just getting ready for my morning and He's softly speaking to and bringing my heart back into alignment with His heartbeat.... I've loved God my whole life and tried to live for Him as best I could, but there have definitely been times when my attitude and actions have not always been honouring to Him or to others. I really hate abuse, I really hate bad stuff, I REALLY hate injustice. But, broken people are messy, I know because I was one. I still am sometimes, and now I have a beautiful husband who sees all the broken places and tenderly loves me back to wholeness. I've said so many times to myself, to others, into a microphone, that if we are going to really, genuinely, fully and fiercely love people, then we have to be ok with our lives being interrupted and uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, abuse and injustice are not ok, and I'm a firm believer in putting boundaries in place and using wisdom in life and relationships so we don't get walked over and treated without respect. But there's going to be times when people do things that can cause us to become offended. The question I am asking myself today, is will I still choose love? Will I choose the higher path even when I don't agree with their actions? Will I still choose to do what God is asking me to when they spit in my face and stab me in the back? Will I keep pressing on and loving those He has called me to love? Will I love the unlovable? Will I keep my heart pure and empty of bitterness and resentment towards the very ones I love? I am again reminded, that without Jesus, I am nothing. I literally can't do what I do without Him. The places we walk, the things we see, the trauma we witness, the things we don't put on social media, sometimes there are just no words. But, if I took on every problem, get offended at every unkind word or action [and I'm talking about my whole life, not just when I'm overseas], then my life would be miserable and my heart wouldn't have enough space to love without condition. So today, I'm thanking God for His constant grace towards me, and for not giving up on me when I've let Him down. And I'm choosing to see others through His eyes and love them like He loves me, whether they are being good, or being bad. 💛